One day older and what do you get?

This is really hard and it sucks ass. Sorry for the language, but it really does. I'm really having a hard time finding a reason to live. I'm so sick of the day to day struggle for THIS life. What the hell am I fighting for anyway? Truth is, my main reason for not just taking myself out is that I don't trust him to raise the kids. I'm sure my mom would have to take care of them and I'm not real sure that she cares enough to give them a good life. On the other hand, I'm not sure the life I'm giving them is much better. I remember a time when I enjoyed playing with my kids. I took them everywhere with me. Maybe it's that I have no where to go. I just sit in my cave and watch the days go by. The husband never wants to do anything but sleep, so really, what's the point? Blah